


Bad hair day

by asamandra



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, M/M, Prompt Fill, The Old Guard Kinkmeme, and nicky is not allowed to have it, joe likes it, mickey miranda haircut, or more like a half fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asamandra/pseuds/asamandra
Summary: Nile wonders about Nicky's awful haircut and Andy tells her why he's not allowed to ever have a good haircut again!
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 22
Kudos: 278





	Bad hair day

**Author's Note:**

> [This](https://theoldguardkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/8201.html?thread=2922505#cmt2922505) prompt from "The Old Guard Kinkmeme":
> 
> Joe/Nicky, Nicky with Mickey Miranda vibes
> 
> we've all seen the gifs of luca as mickey miranda being his chaotic self, so what i really want to see is nicky in that era with that HAIR and all of mickey's whore-like tendencies, except directed exclusively at joe. some people headcanon that joe/nicky go through phases with the intensity of their sex drives and i'm imagining that the late 1800s was a malta-esque high for them
> 
> i just want to see nicky being thirsty as all hell for his husband and vice versa. variety's the name of the game here, with a lot of switching, and sometimes nicky is more dominant and other times he's more bratty and wants joe to rough him up a bit (lovingly). as per the inspiring post (below), would love to see a lot of joe on his back experiencing the full benefit of nicky's horny energy
> 
> very importantly, THE HAIR: a lot of joe running his hands through it, grabbing it, pulling it while kissing and fucking nicky (or fucking his face), which they are both Very Into, to the point where its a disheveled mess
> 
> bonus if nicky is permabanned from having his hair in anything resembling that style while with the team because it brings up all these memories and nicky+joe get sent to horny jail immediately
> 
> extra bonus for partially-clothed sex because those waistcoats and cravats are sexy as hell!!
> 
> based off this iconic post/tag: https://nicojoe.tumblr.com/post/631630699163729920  
> and this art: https://luminarai.tumblr.com/post/631771282629853186/joe-said-heart-full-legs-open-inspired-by-this
> 
> ___________________
> 
> Not exaxtly a fill, more like a half fill because I liked the "permabanned from having a good haircut" idea :D

Nicky shuffled into the kitchen, yawned, went to the coffee maker and glared at the empty carafe. He glared for a very long moment before he yawned again. 

“Why is there no coffee?” he asked and turned around. He scratched his head and his hair stood in every direction afterwards. 

Joe looked at his cup guiltily and blushed. Nile beside him grinned in her own mug and looked at Andy, who was still hidden behind a newspaper.

Muttering under his breath Nicky started to fill water in the coffee maker, then he put grounds in and started the machine. He mumbled something Nile couldn’t understand but it made Joe snort slightly. 

Nicky yawned again and sat down beside Joe - as usual - and scratched his head again. 

“Damn hair needs a cut,” he grouched and looked at the man beside him.

“We can do that later,” Joe said and Nile’s eyes snapped up. 

“Wha… wait? _You_ did that?” she asked Joe and pointed at Nicky’s head. 

“Huh?” Nicky managed and looked at her confused.

“You mean his haircut?” Joe asked and Nile nodded. 

“We cut each other’s hair,” Nicky declared and Nile looked from him to Joe and back. 

“Well,” she said and took a sip from her coffee while Nicky glared at the coffee maker that still gurgled on the counter. “One of you has definitely more talent than the other one.” 

“But Joe looks good,” Nicky turned around and complained. His brain still didn’t work properly since he didn’t have coffee yet. 

“Yeah,” Nile snorted. “I didn’t talk about Joe’s hair.” 

“Huh?” Nicky said again. 

“I think it would look better if you let your hair grow a bit and…” 

“No,” Andy said behind her paper. 

“No?” Nile looked at her. Now she was confused. 

“No,” Andy repeated. 

“He doesn’t have to. I mean, I cut my brother’s hair and I could…” 

“No,” Andy interrupted her. 

“Why not?” Nile wanted to know now and Andy folded her paper to look at her. Joe had cocked his head and Nicky was still too caffeine deprived to be fully approachable.

“We already had that in the 1860es and I can’t stand it again,” she sighed. 

“But, Boss,” Joe said but Andy’s raised finger stopped him. 

“You had no idea how awful it was,” Andy sighed. Nicky blinked a few times, rose, stumbled over to the coffee maker and filled a mug. He emptied half of it in one go and then waited for his brain cells to wake up. 

“How could it be awful to have a better haircut?” Nile wanted to know now. 

“Listen, kid,” Andy said and turned to her now. She put her hand beside her mouth as if to block her words but she didn’t care to speak quieter. “You know Joe and Nicky by now. You’re here for almost a year now.”

Nile looked at the two men beside her. Nicky blinked in his coffee mug and Joe had a lecherous grin on his lips, apparently remembering something Nile was sure she definitely didn’t want to know. 

“Oh yes,” he said dreamily. “The soft fluffy locks.” 

“Locks?” Nile blurted and looked at Nicky now. 

“Yeah, uh,” he said and gestured at his head. “When they grow out they get a little bit… wavy.” 

“Wavy?” Nile tried to imagine Nicky with longer, wavy hair. 

“And they are so soft,” Joe said again and reached over to pet Nicky’s short hair now. “I mean, they are always soft and nice but when they are longer…” 

“He couldn’t keep his hands out of them,” Andy said. “They were almost constantly glued together with their lips.” 

“It wasn’t that much, boss,” Nicky said sullenly and Andy just raised a brow.

“Booker found you making out in a church,” she said. “In Saint-Paul-Saint-Louis-church above all!” 

“Oh yeah,” Joe smiled. “That was…” 

“Booker was three weeks drunk to forget what he saw!!” Andy snapped. “He’s French and catholic and you made out in the church he married in!” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Nile looked from Andy to Joe then to Nicky and back to Andy. “The two made out in a church?”

“They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves and it was all because he,” she pointed at Nicky, “had this damn haircut.” 

“O-kay,” Nile said slowly. “I guess you don’t have any pictures?” 

“Well, technically photography existed already,” Nicky started but Joe was already on his feet and out of the room. 

“Where’s he…'' Nile wanted to ask, then remembered who she was talking about and when Joe came back with a leather-bound sketchbook in his hand she looked at Andy. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“You asked for it,” she mouthed and reached for her paper again. Joe pressed the sketchbook in Nile’s hand and started to skim through the pages. Nile could see Nicky and landscapes and Nicky and buildings and Nicky and Andy and Nicky and animals and then Joe stopped. 

“That’s what she means,” he said and had that dreamy expression in his eyes again. 

“Holy cow,” Nile blurted when she saw the drawing. The man on it was Nicky but… definitely different. Yes, the hair was longer and yes, it was wavy but it was his whole posture. 

Nicky blushed beside them. 

“It was a different time” he said slowly and Andy snorted behind her paper. She muttered something in a language Nile couldn’t understand and Nicky seemed to blush some more.

“You know, it’s not polite to use old and dead languages,” she said and Nicky took another sip from his mug before he turned to Nile.

“She said, it was not a different time, it was a slutty time,” he said. 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Joe said and looked up, too. He had just searched for another drawing and now looked at Andy scandalised. 

“Yusuf,” Andy said. “With the two of you around you couldn’t touch anything because you literally fucked on every flat surface!” 

“But…” Nile started but Andy interrupted her immediately.

“No,” she said. “No, no, no, no, no! You think it’s bad nowadays? You can’t imagine how they were back then!” 

Now it was Nicky who muttered something under his breath and Nile promised herself to learn all the old languages they spoke. 

Joe on the other hand straightened his back, took the sketchbook and turned it around. 

“How can I resist him? How can I resist _that_?” he asked and showed her the drawing. 

Andy turned to Nile now. 

“ _That’s_ ,” she said and pointed at said drawing, “why he,” she pointed at Nicky, “is permanently banned from ever having his hair even closely like that. Ever. Again.” 

“But he can have a decent haircut, right?” she asked and Andy sighed.

“Did you not listen to me?” she asked and Nile furrowed her brows. 

“Yes, you said he had longer hair and…” 

“Give him a sexy haircut and Joe can’t leave his fingers from him and it’s even worse than what we actually have!” 

“Hey!” Nicky complained now. He was just refilling his mug and went back to the table. 

“You know we can hear you, boss,” Joe said and Andy sighed again. 

“I know, Joe, and you both know I love you. But if I have to go through another one of these phases I’m gonna shoot myself!” 

“All right, all right,” Joe said and raised both his hands. 

“Okay. No new haircut for Nicky,” Nile said and shrugged apologetically at the two men at the table. “Sorry.” 

“I like this haircut,” Nicky said. He reached over and took Joe’s hand. “And you’re doing fine, love.” 

“Thank you, hayati,” Joe smiled. “I love you.” 

“Aww,” Nicky beamed. “I love you, too.” 

“Nile,” Andy sighed. “Give me your gun. I want to shoot myself. Right now!”

**Author's Note:**

> [asamandra on tumblr](http://asamandra.tumblr.com/)   
>  [clintbartonruinedmylife on tumblr](https://clintbartonruinedmylife.tumblr.com/)   
> 


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